Couples today are becoming busier, with less and less time for each other. In today's busy world, it's very easy to drift away from our partners. Typically, this isn't something that happens overnight. For busy couples, it's usually a slow fade over time. You might look up one day, and a year, two years, or even three years have passed. You may find yourself asking, "How did we get here?"

Often, this happens because couples aren't aware of how much they're slowly drifting apart over time—until it becomes too late, or they start to notice major conflicts arise in their relationship. I’m going to share five ways that couples in today's busy world can stay connected, make time for each other, and avoid drifting apart.

1. Prioritize Quality Time

The first way is to ensure that you and your partner stay connected is to prioritize quality over quantity time together. When you're busy, it’s difficult to find long periods of time to spend together like you might have had when you were first dating. As your relationship progresses and your lives become busier, the time you have for each other naturally reduces. Many couples wait for some magical free time to appear, but often it doesn’t. We remain busy, and our relationship takes a back seat to everything else in our lives.

Schedule everything! Yes, everything. It’s so important for couples to recognize the quality of their time together even if it takes effort in creating that time together. It’s unlikely that you’ll have those long stretches of free time again, at least for a while. But what you can do is be intentional about the quality time you spend together and prioritize your relationship.

2. Schedule Regular Check-Ins

The second way to stay connected is to have regular check-ins. It’s very easy to miss our partners, like ships in the night, when we’re busy with kids, work, dinner, and all the other obligations that fill our schedules. It’s simple but powerful to check in with genuine curiosity with your partner. This can be brief—just a minute, two minutes, or five minutes—to ask, "Tell me something about your day." You can also ask a scaling questions such as, "On a scale of zero to 10, how stressed are you feeling right now?"

These check-ins help your partner feel seen and heard, even in the middle of all the busyness. For busy couples, it’s very important to feel recognized and acknowledged by your partner regularly.

3. Plan Dates and Trips

The third and one of the most important ways to stay connected is to plan dates. Busy couples often think, “Who has time for dates?” They might view dates as something they did in the past, something they no longer have time for. It’s true, dates may look different now that you’re busier and perhaps have added children to your family.

But it’s still possible to plan dates. They can be short—just 10, 15, or even 20 minutes. A date could be sitting down and playing a board game for 10 minutes at the end of the evening or having coffee together in the morning. While these dates might be different from what you did in the past, they’re still valuable for staying connecting with your partner.

It’s also important to plan longer dates where you can spend focused time together, just the two of you. This might mean going out to dinner or having an evening together. It’s important to have these dates regularly, even if they’re not as frequent as they used to be.

Planning trips or vacations together is another great way to stay connected. Even if it’s something scheduled for a year or two out from now, having something to look forward to can bring shared excitement to the relationship. After the trip, you’ll have the shared memory of that experience to bond over forever.

4. Establish Rituals and Routines

The fourth way to stay connected is to establish rituals or routines—something you consistently do together. This could be centered around shared beliefs, practices, or values. It might be exercising together, practicing your spiritual faith together, or simply having a routine for how you organize your day.

Having similar ways of routinely interacting together is extremely important for staying connected. It may seem like a small and easy thing to do but sometimes the small things add up to becoming the most important parts of our relationship.

5. Set Boundaries Around Distractions

The last and final way to stay connected is to set boundaries with distractions. Because your time together is so limited, it’s crucial to set boundaries with the outside world. This could mean setting boundaries with screens—our phones, social media—where it’s easy to mindlessly scroll. There is space for being in the same room and scrolling together, but it’s also important to have boundaries around endless scrolling and other distractions that can waste time you could be spending together.

Other boundaries might involve being very protective of your time. Sometimes, this means saying "no" to social obligations or to anyone outside the relationship who might demand your time. This doesn’t mean shutting out the outside world, but it’s important to protect your time with your partner.

If you can implement these five strategies, they will support you in staying connected with your partner, avoid drifting apart over time, and preventing the slow fade of disconnection. Even during the busiest times, these practices will help you and your partner maintain a strong bond and feel an intimate connection with each other. There will come a time when everything begins to slow down, and you can look at each other with a sense of fulfillment knowing you survived the shared experience of a busy time in your life, together.

About the Author:

Daniel Moultrie, LMFT

Daniel Moultrie, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist here at California Couples Counseling. Daniel’s areas of specialty include Anxiety, RELATIONSHIPS, COUPLES THERAPY, Depression, Stress Management, Men’s Mental Health, Entrepreneurs, and The GOTTMAN METHOD.

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