How to Save Your Marriage: Strategies for Saving Your Relationship Before It’s Too Late
The strength of a marriage isn’t always reflected in the absence of conflict but rather in the ability to handle conflict when it arises. If you're searching for advice on how to save a marriage that is falling apart, you're already taking the first critical step towards repair. It's a sign of commitment, a willingness to dig deep and address the root causes that may be leading to a sense of a broken marriage. Together, lets explore key strategies that can help turn things around for you and your spouse.
Cultivate Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds a marriage together. Engaging in honest communication and positive interactions is essential. It might mean setting aside even a few minutes each day to connect with your spouse on a deeper level. Sharing your feelings and being vulnerable with your partner can cultivate increased intimacy and trust in your relationship.
Schedule Quality Time
In a busy life, spending quality time together can sometimes fall by the wayside. Date night isn't just a cliché; it's an important practice that keeps the spark alive. Whether it’s dinner at a favorite restaurant or a simple walk in the park, it’s about giving each other undivided attention. Many times, we want time with our partner to be spontaneous but the busier our lives become, the more intentional we need to about schedule our time together. Quality time can be as small as a walk around the neighborhood. Consistently taking time for each other is nourishment to a healthy marriage.
Adopt a Team Mindset
In working with couples, I often have to remind them they are on the same team. I will frequently communicate to them that they are not each other’s enemy, and the real enemy is the barrier (e.g. communication issues, broken trust, stonewalling) that is keeping them from having a thriving marriage.
Different expectations and conflicting goals can create fissures in a marriage. Aligning your vision for the future and working together to achieve mutual goals can help bridge the gap between separate ways and a united path forward.
Practice Self-Care
Sometimes the quickest way to a healthier relationship is individually taking care of yourself. Personal development and self-care are often overlooked in discussions about marriage. Yet, taking care of your mental health and engaging in activities that promote your well-being can enhance your ability to contribute positively to your marriage. When you feel good about yourself, you're better equipped to make your spouse feel loved and supported. It's very difficult to show up for your spouse when you don’t personally feel well. Before a relationship can be healthy, the individuals within that relationship must also be healthy.
Learn from the Past
Marital problems don’t arise overnight, and neither do their solutions. Learning from past mistakes instead of dwelling on them can transform your relationship. This may involve forgiveness and a commitment to move forward without dragging the weight of old grievances behind you. According to John Gottman, 67% of all arguments are perpetual. What he found was that most conflicts were reoccurring for sometimes years before the couple found a solution.
Engage in Positive Interactions
It’s impossible to avoid all negative interactions with your spouse. You are both human, conflicts are going to arise in your marriage.
Arguments happen, but it’s the ratio of positive to negative interactions that often predicts marital success. Strive to outnumber negative things with positive ones. Even small gestures of kindness and appreciation can go a long way in repairing a relationship.
Handle Financial Issues Together
Talking about money can be sometimes feel taboo. We all have our own challenges of talking about money whether it be from the way our parents talked to us about money, financial challenges in childhood, or cultural beliefs. We tend to avoid the topic of money because it can sometime invoke negative emotions such as shame and guilt.
Many marriages struggle under the strain of financial issues. Tackling these concerns together, with transparency and mutual respect, can prevent monetary disputes from pulling your marriage apart.
Give Each Other Space
Sometimes, giving each other space is as important as spending time together. Personal space allows for growth, reflection, and the opportunity to miss and appreciate one another. We have our own individual needs and sometimes taking space can allow for us to process our own thoughts and feelings.
When taking space from your partner it is helpful if you can communicate specifics with your partner. For example, “Hey babe, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed from work and I’m going to exercise and relax for the next hour.” This informs your partner or how you’re spending your time and how much time you need. An example of bad communication would be taking time indefinitely and leaving your partner wondering about your mental state. Leaving your partner guessing about your need for space can lead to them feeling worried, anxious, or confused. How you communicate your need for space with your spouse is just as important as taking the space.
Seek Professional Help
You don’t have to go through your challenges alone. Sometimes the best solution to saving your marriage is seeking outside support. A licensed therapist or a marriage expert can offer an impartial perspective and guide you through the complex emotional landscape of your relationship. Marriage counseling creates a safe space for both partners to talk openly and honestly. If your marriage is falling apart due to specific issues like financial stress, infidelity, or broken trust, a marriage counselor can help you work through these challenges systematically.
In conclusion, while there’s no magic wand to wave away the complexities of a marriage falling apart, these strategies offer a roadmap to mend a relationship. If your own marriage is facing such trials, remember that many marriages have weathered similar storms and emerged stronger on the other side. With dedication, patience, and often professional help, you can rebuild the foundations of a happy and lasting marriage.
About the Author:
Daniel Moultrie, LMFT
Daniel Moultrie, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist here at California Couples Counseling. Daniel’s areas of specialty include Anxiety, RELATIONSHIPS, COUPLES THERAPY, Depression, Stress Management, Men’s Mental Health, Entrepreneurs, and The GOTTMAN METHOD.
